Loafers, wasters, bums,
A ghost ran away with your underpants... get under a blanket and hide.
Loafers, wasters, bums,
A ghost ran away with your underpants... get under a blanket and hide.
Fuk fuk fuk fuk
fuk fuk fuk fuk
fuk fuk fuk fuk.
Booze, weed, grass just one hit.
Out comes the smoke and all the trouble are gone.
Kneel before God. Ring the temple bell
1. 2, 3, 4, I want kisses over and over
5. B, 7, S, at night well go to India Gate.
Loafers. Wasters, bums,
A ghost ran away with your underpants... get under a blanket and hide.
Loafers. Wasters, bums,
A ghost ran away with your underpants... get under a blanket and hide
fuk fuk fuk fuk
fuk fuk fuk fuk.
We stay on the other side of the Jam una,
We love all women.
The girl is proud. We have no money.
Ask for a loan, get powerless.
If we make money, we will catch the prey,
Spray some deo on your shirt.
The good for nothing troupe is ready.
The penniless ones are here.
We have worn a pant.
While the other is being washed by mummy.
Loafers. Wasters, bums,
A ghost ran away with your underpants... get under a blanket and hide.
Loafers. Wasters, bums,
A ghost ran away with your underpants... get under a blanket and hide
fuk fuk fuk fuk
fuk fuk fuk fuk.
Let there be a country of loafers and make me the President.
Sing with me now, brothers and sisters.
1.23.4, Long live the Loafers Partyl!
5. 6, 7, S, Death to all the smarty pants.
Loafers. Wasters, bums,
A ghost ran away with your underpants.
Loafers. O Loafers, your luck is so messed up.
Even your shoes are in tatters.
Your luck is so messed up.
My father says...
son, you hold your destiny in your own hands.'
But if I go by his words. Which I seldom do, then by God...
my destiny is fast asleep!
Do colleges also have morning assembly?
No man.
Only school teachers are obsessed with morning assembly and uniforms.
College is all about scoring girls.
You're right man.
In government schools, it's guys chasing guys!
You know Amit from the 12th grade?
Yeah.
He was in the toilet yesterday with Rahul during assembly.
Are you serious?
Of course!
We'll walk hand in hand, we'll walk hand in hand,
We'll walk hand in hand someday;
Dude, we can easily jump over this wall.
Why break our backs over this stupid hole?
Choocha!
We have only a couple of days of school to leave our mark behind.
That's all we've been doing for the past two years.
Trust me. This year we will graduate!
I swear on your mother!
Dude, is it difficult to bunk lectures in college?
No man.
You can do anything you want.
Study if you want to, otherwise forget it.
Lounge in the canteen, hang around...
take in the scent of beautiful girls...
try and score with them...
kiss them anytime, anywhere...
no one bothers.
Sounds exciting!
Dude we're going to college together!
I'll become someone's boyfriend on the very first day.
Hello May Day...
Attention... the wall is about to be breached!
Fire!
Dear god, you are the almighty.
You know everything there is to know...
but I'd like to remind you once again.
Please get me migrated into Shalu's college this year.
It didn't happen last year, but this year please make it happen.
I will offer prayers daily.
Please. God.
Bishop College.
Just reminding you since there are so many colleges.
Bachelor of Commerce, 2nd year.
Give him your exam roll number as well.
Sir...
there was a cooking gas cylinder along with these milk cans...
now it's gone.
Did you see anyone take it?
No, brother, I don't drink milk.
In college. The girls will be...
Shut up, Choocha!
Stop sucking up.
Or I won't go with you.
Sorry bro.
Just that I'm really excited.
We'll sort you out, but for now, be quiet.
Okay... I am sure it will be fun.
Stop...
look...
Sardarji, want to buy a gas cylinder?
Half price!
What are you staring at'?
I found it on the street.
Cylinder?
Yeah.
You found it?
Yeah.
On the street?
Yeah.
I'll beat the crap out of you.
You bloody dope head...
selling my own cylinder back to me'?!
Whoa... I'm not a thief.
I found it on the street.
How does it belong to you?
I'll tell you!
Okay... fine... you can keep it.
As a gift.
I am very rich anyway.
All my money's gathering dust...
Just leave.
Sardarji...
how about a plate of chole-bhatura?
Can't you hear my stomach growl?
Chow...
give him a serving of chole-bhatura.
Here you go.
Dumbass, can't you serve properly?
You think I'm a homeless beggar?
What the...
You think this is your father's wedding reception to feed him for free'?
Why don't you slice me up and add me to his dish?
You think this is a soup kitchen?
Hello?
In five minutes.
I'll be there.
Now he's got angels falling for him where are you off to?
Dad, that was Raju. He's clearing our dues today.
Did Raju rob a bank last night...
that he wants to clear our dues?
You think I'm an idiot?
He really called me, I'll see you later.
What a bad start to the day. I can't even set my beard!
10 more seconds and I'd have taken the bus.
Have I ever been late?
You know what my dad's like.
He can't set his beard unless he yells at me every morning.
How was the movie yesterday?
It was okay.
You never take me along with your college friends.
I'm in college too.
You aren't in college, you're studying through correspondence.
It's the same thing.
Anyway, I'm coming to your college next year.
So hang with us next year then.
You've become very rude lately.
Never mind.
You'll show me around your college today?
I've been asking you for so long. Say something.
Fine!
Only if Pandit lets us go.
Who is Pandit?
What's u p, Panditji?
Nothing new...
it's the same grind every day.
I'm stuck in his shithole for other reasons
or I would've quit this job long ago.
You see this room?
Back home the bull knocks up cows in a room bigger than this.
You're right. Panditji.
My dad said the same thing to my mom.
Anyway, tell me something...
how much do we have to score to make it to college?
At least, 85 %.
You must be kidding!
You are kidding yourself to even think about college.
All year round you make life hell for others.
Now it's your turn to feel the heat.
There is another way in...
If you want, I can pull some strings.
Panditji, any way will do.
We'll tear through the roof, if necessary.
Tell us what you can do.
Exam papers for the 12th grade are out.
What do you mean out?
Out. Choocha, out!
When he says they're out, he means they've been leaked.
Holy shit Panditji!
Please do something for us.
Consider it done.
Come here a day before every exam.
50,000 rupees for every exam paper.
Fifty?!!
That's too much!
I'm charging others 60,000.
This is a discount for you.
Why'? Do you fancy us. Or what?
He's so vulgar!
Shut up!
Panditji, you'll give us the real papers right?
My papers will have better printing than the real ones.
Get the money in place.
You only have a week.
Seven days only.
Get it?
Panditji, can we walk around the college once?
I really want to go inside.
Never seen one.
Please don't say no.
Please. Panditji.
Come on Sunday and I'll give you a tour!
Why? You want us to come and hang around with the gardener's daughter?
Five minutes is all we want...
we'll be out in two!
Try to understand you can't go in!
Panditji...
can he go in with me?
He's only going to drop me off, please.
Take.
Panditji, how could you let him in'? Even he doesn't study here...
But his girlfriend does.
Huh! She's not his girlfriend.
I've seen her with Monty a lot of times.
Really? Monty?
Yeah.
You mean, cheating?
Shut it Choocha.
Panditji, please let us go in or he won't stop until Sunday.
Please.
Okay. Okay...
Listen. If anyone asks. Say that you are Zafar's cousins.
Is Zafar the big bully here?
Not a bull. But a cow.
He was the cool dude some years ago. But is lying low now.
I pull strings for people all the time...
but Zafar once pulled strings for me.
A star shines in my soul.
And shows me the path.
Shows me grace in an unfinished note.
And.
Lord, I can't take it anymore Say something.
Lord, open the doors of destiny.
Please open them.
Lord, I can't take it anymore Say something.
Lord, open the doors of destiny.
Please open them All my dreams.
Are shut in a box.
Lord, make a hole in that box.
Lord, I can't take it anymore Say something.
Lord, open the doors of destiny.
Please open them.
Dreams are bubbling in my eyes.
They speak to me every day.
Dreams are bubbling in my eyes.
They speak to me every day.
They are in my eyes. In all I say.
Yet so far from my reach
I've lost all patience.
Give me some mantra
I've been vying for your attention for so long.
Lord, I can't take it anymore Say something.
Lord, open the doors of destiny.
Please open them.
Lord, I can't take it anymore Say something.
Lord, open the doors of destiny.
Please open them.
A star shines in my soul.
And shows me the path.
Shows me grace in an unfinished note.
Let the tune be completed.
A rhythm is at play And melody flows.
This continues.
Sometimes with words. Sometimes without.
Our conversations. Continue.
A star shines in my soul.
Dude!
You play the violin just like Shahrukh does in his films.
Fantastic!
There you go again making a jerk of yourself!
It's a guitar, not a violin!
Right?
Hunny. Stop embarrassing me in front of strangers, okay?
Whatever it is, you are really good.
What course are you in?
I don't study here.
Oh, so you teach music?
Like Shahrukh Khan from 'Mohabbatein?
Hey!
He doesn't teach here and you don't study here.
Aren't your five minutes up yet?
We were just leaving, relax.
Before we leave, won't you introduce us to Zafar?
Let's see what breed your cow is.
That's like asking if the sun is out on a hot, sunny afternoon.
You are standing in his presence.
Him?
That's amazing, Panditji.
I've decided that as soon as we get admission, I'm taking up the guitar.
Hunny. Girls are crazy for guitarists!
Chicks will stick to you like magnets if you've got a guitar.
Hey... time is up!
You better get the money in time.
You're top breed. For sure, brother!
Seven days only, get it'?
So, Mr. Rockstar...
do you intend wasting your talent over here?
When will you hit the big time?
Huh?
Album?
I'm asking because I'm worried about you.
I've known you for six years.
You rocked this place for the first three.
The other three I still don't understand.
Anything clicked yet?
No, Panditji.
They know my face so well at all the auditions and reality shows...
they don't even let me in through the gate.
As for recording an album, that's another ballgame altogether.
How could that be?
I mean, here you play so well.
I get your music, they don't?
It's not their fault.
These strings are tied to someone else.
When that person is away, the music also goes away.
Touching.
I get what you're saying.
Keep playing-
If you need any help. Let me know.
This is my new visiting card.
Look...
it has my picture too.
What do you think?
Good.
Carry on... see you later.
Dude, I have a dream.
On our first day of college...
we will enter on horses.
You riding the white horse...
and I on the black...
wearing black sunglasses, long leather boots with zippers...
red shirts and black pants.
Shirts buttoned up to the collar.
Dude, girls will kill for us.
That reminds me...
I forgot to tell you about the dream I had this morning!
You jerk!
All you've done is talk nonsense all day...
missing out on what's really important.
As it is, you've had a dream after bloody ages.
Sorry, dude.
The thing is I dream every night, but sometimes I forget.
So anyway...
I saw. You were at the Jumbo Circus.
And a jumbo, I mean an elephant goes wild...
and instead of playing with a colourful ball, it takes you in its trunk...
and starts banging you on the floor.
That's when I get there and rescue you from its trunk.
Then I wrap the trunk around my hand and whack it with one blow.
Knock-out!
You bloody scoundrel...
elephants banging me on the floor, horses dragging me...
next it'll be a donkey kicking me...
Smart ass. A little puppy scares you to bits...
and you think you can whack an elephant!
Knock-out'?!
Dude, you can't control what you see in a dream.
A dream is a dream.
Anything is possible.
Anything is possible!
Shut up now! Let me figure it out.
Mad elephant... elephant...
elephant as in Ganpati.
As in?
Lord Ganesha!
Lord Ganesha?
Bloody Englishman!
Indian Gods are so colourful!
Dude, don't confuse.
That was Lord Hanuman, this is Lord Ganesha.
Hang on to Lord Ganesha.
Lord Ganesha...
also known as Shri Ganesh.
And 'a whack with the hand'...
a hand has five fingers... five!
So it's number five on Shri Ganesh.
Let's go.
Here they come again.
A hundred tickets for Shri Ganesh, number four.
Shri Ganesh... number four...
Do you have number four?
No.
Sorry, we're out of four.
In that case, we'll go with number eight.
Number eight... Do you have number eight?
No, out of eight too.
Really?
What do we do, Choocha?
Let's take number three.
Three?
No, I think we should go with number five.
Screw what you think, let's go for three.
I don't get you... Don't argue.
I want number three.
Oh no. Number five.
Dude, shut up! Why don't you get it?
Tell me, do you have number five?
This is not fair, Hunny.
Hey! I asked for number five, not your daughter's hand in marriage.
Hurry up, it's almost time for the draw.
Scoundrels!
Pulled a fast one again!
Cut, cut... Sorry.
Lucky 13...
Sir, sir... the talkback is off...
Start!
What's wrong?
Even pirated CDs don't get stuck like you do.
We've done 13 takes.
Lucky 13!
Get back in tune and start singing.
Come on, start...
Sir, I can't do it.
Sir, I'm unable to sing.
Let's pack up for today.
Pack UP?
If you're calling the shots here, what do you want me for?
You think. I'm here for your autograph?
If you can't sing, get lost.
Out!
Call the percussionists in. Let's see what they can do.
Listen Mr. Rockstar, if you continue to sing like this...
very soon you'll be sporting wrinkles, but your album won't see the light of day.
Now get lost!
Sir...
Yes?
Did you see anyone steal my motorcycle tyre?
No brother, I'm not married.
You dope head!
Stop right there!
Lali...
Although it's none of my business, I'd like to tell you something.
Look I know you're hurt but...
it's not necessary that your school friends remain friends in college too.
A lot changes when you are in college.
You start a whole new life.
Ma'am, that doesn't mean you give up on old friends for new.
No, not at all.
Friendship doesn't end but priorities change.
Sometimes, a person's tastes also change...
I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.
Take care.
Excuse me. Ma'am!
I meant her.
Ma'am, don't you teach at BCMC?
Yes.
Ma'am, I want to transfer to your college next year?
Good luck.
Sure, but what I mean is... if you could teach me...
Me?
Take tuition classes.
I tried but all batches are full.
Moreover most of the syllabus is completed.
So, how can I help?
Ma'am, don't you teach accountancy?
Yes.
I heard from Shalu.
Ma'am, I find accountancy tough.
I can't figure it out...
whereas, I've studied all the other subjects.
Sorry, ma'am.
Ma'am, please ma'am.
Accountancy is very difficult.
Look. Don't get me wrong.
I know why you are doing this... don't rush into it.
No, ma'am, I'm not rushing.
Please. Ma'am.
Alright...
we'll begin this evening, at my place.
Will you manage?
Yes, ma'am. No problem.
Thank you, ma'am.
Listen. Think about what I was trying to tell you earlier.
It will help you.
See you.
I've thought about it...
I have a point to make.
When I go out with another girl in the same college...
that's when she'll realise.
Today is your last day in school.
Your board exams begin in five days...
and today you'll get your roll numbers.
Only those students whose attendance is more than 75% will get their roll numbers.
There are two dimwits who won't get them.
Stand up as I call out your names.
Dalip Singh and Vikas Gulati.
Wow.
Standing up even before your names are called.
Excellent!
Sumit, take this...
and distribute these roll numbers outside.
You two... come here.
Scoundrels, if you weren't attending my tuition classes...
I'd have never given you your roll numbers.
Here.
Got my tuition fees'?
Yes sir.
Put it here and get lost!
Sir, which college did you attend?
I mean, was attendance compulsory there too?
Let me remind you. Numbskull...
this is the year you make a hat trick of failures.
You're thinking about college and...
I'm thinking about where I will put you in this classroom.
Now get lost.
We shouldn't have given him the fees.
Now, how will we arrange the money to pay for the question papers?
If we hadn't bought roll numbers off him, we
couldn't even have appeared for the exams.
And if you take that many days to come up with a dream, how will I arrange the money?
Where is today's dream'?
Dude, I dream every night but I don't always remember it.
Remember that Hollywood film... Inception?
The one with the Titanic' hero...
It was shown that they use needles to get inside the brain.
Why don't you come up with something like that?
Then you can poke some needles in me and watch my dream with me.
It's not easy to remember my dreams.
Are you going to burn a hole in the building?
You stroll by, to get close to me.
Sometimes you look in my eyes, sometimes you gaze at my walk.
Ambarsariya, don't pick the bud unbloomed.
Your mother's said the harshest things to me.
Ambarsariya, ho Ambarsariya.
Dude. Your confidence frightens me sometimes.
And your own face doesn't?
You can't be bird watching here.
Think about the exams!
We have five days to pay Panditji.
Another year we'll have to rot in school.
Shut up, you jinx!
Can't you be happy at my progress'?
Yeah right!
Once in 1st grade. Twice in 6th grade...
and for the third bloody time in the 12th.
Progress!
Who fails in the 1st grade, man??
Will you be my friend?
If yes, then hold the kite up.
Ambarsariya, don't pick the bud unbloomed.
Your mother's said the harshest things to me.
Ambarsariya.
So, you want to be my friend?
If I didn't want to, would I hold up the kite?
Yeah... but only friends, nothing more.
Don't ever say 'l love you' to me.
Of course not. Why would I say, 'l love you'?
You're not my girlfriend.
Anyway, I already have a girlfriend.
Really? What's her name?
First tell me yours.
Priya. Now tell me her name.
Jasmine. She is in college.
She's a year older than me.
Actually, I have a thing for mature girls.
You get to learn a lot from them.
Really? What mature things has she taught you?
Well...
she taught me how to kiss.
What's there to teach in a kiss?
Not your regular kiss, a mature kiss.
French kiss!
French kiss?
What's that?
You know what it is.
I really don't know. Tell me, please.
You put your lips together and...
What?
You put your lips together and let your tongue do the magic.
That's French kiss.
So...
you've French kissed this girl?
Of course! Every time we meet, we French kiss.
I don't want to be your friend. You talk dirty.
Great.
You were the one who asked what a French kiss was!
I don't care, I don't want to talk to you, ever!
And if you ever come to the roof again, I'll make sure my dad thrashes you.
Now that's what you call a crash landing!
Okay. so...
debit is what comes in, credit is what goes out.
This is the basic rule for all general entries.
Apply this rule and make a general entry for Rent paid.
Ma'am, this is the only entry I can't get right!
Write... rent debit, credit cash.
Ma'am, why do we credit cash?
When we get rent shouldn't we debit it. Instead?
This isn't the rent you get for your shop.
This is the rent you have to pay.
Oh! This is that one. Right.
Now I get it.
Now apply the basic rule to it.
Which rule?
What do you mean, which rule'?
I just told you a minute ago.
Oh! That one...
Debit what comes in, credit what goes out.
Yes, ma'am.
What's next?
Zafar. I know what music means to you...
but you have other responsibilities too, don't you'?
Neetu?
I need your support...
not pressure, please!
Pressure?
Okay-
How much more time do you need?
Perfect!
Now you doubt me?
Listen. I didn't say that.
But this way it can go on forever, right?
Be practical, Zafar...
music is good as a hobby.
Music isn't my hobby, Neetu.
So what am I... your hobby or...
Oh come on, Neetu... seriously...
don't behave like a kid.
I'm not behaving like a kid. But you sure are.
Tell me, music or me?
Neetu!
Music or me?
Music.
Remember one thing Zafar...
if you fail to make it as a musician, I'll never forgive you.
Because you're sacrificing our relationship for your music.
Remember this.
Find a fix. Find a quick fix.
Make a quick guess or hit bulls eye.
Find a fix. Find a quick fix.
What's cooking, bro'?
Nothing.
Sure seemed like something.
A little social service.
Exam papers for the 12th grade are out.
I wanted to line up my buyers before I go buy them.
But they're all a bunch of bloody losers.
That's true.
You also want papers?
No, no. I'm taking tuition classes.
Huh!
Like tuitions have ever helped anyone?
I'm taking tuition classes.'
Actually, you're right.
Accountancy is like a twisted pretzel for me!
I just don't get it.
But not for 12th grade, I need papers for 1st year college.
Can I get them?
But aren't you studying through correspondence?
So what? It's the same thing.
College and correspondence. The same thing!
If it were the same. We'd be Doctor Hunny and Choocha by now!
Tell me, please...
Dude, go and meet Panditji.
College and correspondence...
Who? The BCMC guy?
Yes, he can pull a lot of strings.
Meet him and say, 'Hunny referred your name.'
He will fix things for you.
Okay?
See you.
How much is it'?
Never mind. Brother.
Chow...
64 rupees.
If you want to save yourself.
If you want a future.
From here and there, from anywhere.
Grab what you can.
You have to reach here.
Mr. Narayan Pandit, from rags to riches.
How're you, Panditji?
Fine...
God's been kind.
What brings you here?
Hunny told me you leak exam papers.
What the...
Keep it down.
You're asking for papers like they're candy!
Sorry.
Which grade?
Now don't keep it so low that even I can't hear you.
Bachelor of Commerce, first year. Correspondence.
Only the accountancy paper.
I don't mess around with the university...
But I can fix you up with something else.
As in?
You want admission in this college, right?
Yes!
I knew it.
I don't think you can get in on merit.
But if you donate 250.000 to the President's fund, your seat is fixed.
President's fund?
Yeah... full guarantee.
I will get the form signed and sealed, myself!
Listen carefully... seats are limited.
You delay and you'll be hanging around for another year.
Okay?
Only two hundred and fifty thousand!
Two hundred and fifty thousand!
Two hundred and fifty thousand')?
You son of a gun. Have you lost it?
Which college takes a fee of 250,000??
In my time we studied in makeshift schools at a two and a half rupee fee...
that also sometimes we didn't pay.
250,000!
As it is nothing gets in through your thick skull...
Forget bloody college and sit here at the shop with me.
All he does is waste his time...
hanging out in college or chasing girls.
And he wants. Two hundred and fifty thousand!
I can't help you.
I'm sorry, I can't help you.
Someone will come...
Zafa r... I don't know how this happened...
he was perfectly fine when he left home.
The doctor suggested that it's better we admit him to a private hospital.
For that we need about 100,000 rupees.
And then some more for treatment.
How will we manage that?
Take a look at him.
Here you go...
we've taken the blood sample.
You can submit the urine sample at the desk outside.
Zafa r...
my father thrust a butcher's knife in my hand...
but your father won't do that to you.
Make music with your heart, not your mind.
Find a fix. Find a quick fix.
Make a quick guess or hit bulls eye.
Find a fix. Find a quick fix.
If you want to save yourself.
If you want a future.
From here and there, from anywhere.
Grab what you can.
Find a fix. Find a quick fix.
The world doesn't rest on hope.
The world rests on a quick fix.
Up and down, everyone is a hustler,
A huge hustler, heavy hustler.
You come make your mark too.
Make your mark.
Happy birthday, Pradhanji.
Welcome my dear Bombay princess!
Your timing is perfect.
I was just thinking about you.
Really?
I thought you were giving mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
Hello ma'am...
I love the way you play with words.
Strikes a chord every time!
Let's talk business.
Dimple has sprained her leg and only you can dance like her.
I'll pay you well.
Set the stage on fire, today!
Hi sexy!
Are you out of your freaking mind?
Come on... you look like a bear.
By God. The audience won't enjoy it.
You want me to make an ass of myself for your audience?
I'll pay you three thousand more for this.
Six!
Four!
Done deal. Trim down the jungle.
Go... shave it off.
Dare you move!
Is it your father's bloody crop, you jerk!
Pradhan, you better step aside or...
I'll actually set fire to the stage!
Hey... listen to me.
Hunny... how will we arrange the money?
Don't go!
Pradhan, I'll dance.
You can even tweeze my eyebrows off.
Look at this.
Unnati. Unnati Shake it baby, Unnati.
Your walk is sweet like sugar syrup.
Unnati Oh. Unnati.
Shut up!
Let's go.
Pradhan, I'll dance better.
Dude...
our destiny isn't sleeping.
It's bloody dead!
Time flies Catch up with it Come on.
Get into someone's pockets.
Or fall at someone's feet.
If you want to save yourself.
If you want a future.
From here and there, from anywhere.
Grab what you can
I always meant when I said that...
I don't guard a college. But a treasure.
The first few months may look bleak, but you'll see the results in a year or two.
Trust me. It's as good as a pension.
Hello Panditji.
How nice to see you, Sardarji. You've come at the right time.
Would you like some tea?
Sure.
Have a seat.
What have you decided?
Is it possible to get a discount?
How can I give a discount on a discounted rate?
People are paying 350,000. You can ask Zafar here.
What have you got to worry'?
You're the only son of Mr. Billa, the famous restaurant owner.
His one stir in his pot will churn out 250,000!
He will stir fry me in the same pot instead!
In that case, enjoy your first and last cup of tea here.
Oh come on Panditji...
has anyone ever walked out of here empty handed?
Your flattery won't help, let's get straight to business.
You've got only three days to go, have you managed the money?
The thing is Panditji... we haven't got the money yet.
But I have a kick-ass idea.
I'll pay for all the question papers in one go.
All I need is someone to bankroll us.
I wouldn't even bankroll my own son.
No offence, but I'm sure your fathers stand by your own father!
It's not a children's savings plan, it's a business investment.
Really? What's this business that I don't know of'?
The thing is...
our Choocha is a golden goose...
every morning he lays a golden egg.
I mean, every night he has a dream.
The next morning I break that dream down to a lottery number.
Hold on!
I take the world for a ride. Don't you try to hoodwink me!
Playing lottery is banned in Delhi for 10 years.
Panditji...
you may be older, but we are wiser.
You sit here in this cubicle, while we've visited every nook and cranny in this city.
Delhi has four borders, that's where lotteries are sold in bulk.
All you have to do is mention our name there.
If it were a small amount, we wouldn't bother you.
But this calls for millions.
Your investment. Our skill...
profit for all, what say'?
Listen. You day dreaming jerk...
I'll be right back with Zafars stuff.
Have your tea and get going.
Zafar. Wait for me.
Trying to sell a dream to me.
Don't worry. Choocha. Pandits an idiot.
He'll regret this later.
Yuck, the miser hasn't even added sugar.
Can you please add some sugar, Choocha?
What are the returns like?
Brother. The more sugar you add, sweeter the tea will be.
Absolutely!
100,000 will give you a million, 200,000 will give two million.
You want to invest?
No...
not me. But I know just the person for that.
But...
But what?
You'll be asked for collateral.
Of course, we have no objection to that.
We have a necklace on us.
Was the tea too hot?
Panditji, where's Bholi Punjaban these days?
What?
You heard right.
Move...
Zafar. Are you crazy?
What have they brainwashed you with?
Don't fall into their trap.
They'd even sell their fathers.
Don't get into their mess.
I'm the one who is in need. Please take us to her.
Please.
Fine...
I'll take you to her but 10% of the deal is mine.
Why don't you take it all and turn this shithole into Taj Mahal?
Panditji, who is this birdie named Bholi Punjaban...
whose feathers we haven't counted?
Birdie?
That's right!
I am a hustler.
Bholi only has an innocent sounding name.
The moment she speaks, it's as if a tsunami has struck the river Yamuna.
Follow me.
Those deflated balloons on your roof belong to your husband.
Your son stares at my chest all day...
with his tongue sticking out like a dog.
If you say another word, I'll set two bulls free in your house...
will strip your whole family down in public.
Oh God, she's made our lives hell here.
I think it's better to sell this house and move away.
Fall prey to Bholi's abuses and...
your soul won't find a hole to escape the body!
Put Jagbir on the job...
make sure they leave the house.
Yes, madam.
Bholi has got her hands in every illegal business.
Yes? Hello?
Are you done'?
How many parties?
Madam, two parties have deposited 50,000 each.
More, more, call more or...
I'll make you dance until you're sore.
Yes, madam.
Mention Bholi's name and politicians tremble in fear...
and the biggest of stars wet their pants.
Hello beauties, did you get the payment?
No, madam.
He said he is the minister's P.A. and he won't pay ever again.
Is that so? Dial him for me.
Hi. Good afternoon.
I'm John Miller. Calling you from London and...
I'm glad to inform you that...
your email account has won 500,000 British Pounds.
Hello?
Say hello to your mom!
You may be the Minister's PA but I don't give a damn.
Bholi...
you are going too far!
You won't get the payment.
Listen. The minister is in a good mood today...
send some college girls over to his farm house.
If the minister is in a good mood. Why don't you please him?
I'll send over some hot oil.
Get it?
First payment, then enjoyment.
Now hang up!
Here.
Bholi Punjaban isn't any little birdie, she's a hawk.
The last nail in the coffin.
Ah!
Pandit, what a surprise!
Haven't seen you in a while.
Hope you're not suffering from some secret disease.
Of course not. Bholiji.
Actually, these days my wife showers me with lot of love...
so I didn't feel the need to drop by.
So then, are you looking to adopt a girl?
Not at all.
These boys here have an investment scheme.
Really?
I thought they're here to propose marriage to me.
Listen. I don't deal with insurance agents and bankers anymore.
They are not those guys...
Panditji, let it be. I'll take over from here.
Madam, I am Hunny and this here is Choocha.
What?
Dalip.
No, the other one?
Choocha.
Choocha?
Interesting.
And that's your captain?
No madam, I am the captain.
This is our coach, Zafar.
Shoot.
The thing is...
our friend Choocha here has a God given gift.
He has a dream every night.
The next morning I use my God given gift to break that dream down to a lottery number.
We buy a lottery of that number, the number is drawn and...
we win, as simple as that.
Are you done'?
No madam, not yet.
So madam, here's how it works...
when we play 220 rupees, we win 2,000.
When we play 2.200. We win 20,000.
If we play 220,000, we will win 2 million!
If you can lend us that 220.000. We'll split the jackpot.
Moreover, you can have 250,000 from our share...
as an advance payment towards the leaked question papers.
So, how do you like the plan?
I've come across a lot of salesmen in my life...
but never one who sells dreams.
Trust me. Madam.
Every time Choocha has a dream we hit the jackpot.
You can check.
Even if I believe in what you've just said...
what do you have as collateral for my investment?
Bholiji, they have a necklace.
Do you?
Bloody worthless freeloader...
trying to pawn me a fake necklace.
Disgusting!
How would I know?
Ever since I was a child, my mom would wear this for functions...
and tell everyone. 'look at my expensive necklace'.
I did not know, I swear on her.
Great!
Like mother. Like son. What a fraud family.
Now get lost.
Bunch of losers.
What if I give you something as collateral?
What the hell is happening here. Pandit?
You brought an entire gang?
Planning to get me busted?
Ne, Bholiji...
he had no idea I was following them.
I came because I need the money too.
If it's okay, I can get something for collateral.
You can shove all your collaterals up your behind!
I will only invest for something substantial.
How about the deeds to my shop?
Which shop?
Billa Sweet Shop.
You are Billa's son?
Yes, you know my dad?
Yes, very well.
Alright, see you tomorrow with the deed and the lottery number.
Thank you, Bholiji.
Get one thing inside your tiny little brains.
If my money goes down the drain...
I'll take back twice as much.
If that sounds good, come back tomorrow.
Otherwise. Eat, drink and make merry.
I'm thinking, if we double the investment...
we'll get 4 million, instead of 2.
Two for us and two for Bholi.
Don't be greedy, Hunny.
It's a sure thing and we won't have to go to her every time.
You think Bholi will agree?
Without a doubt!
So, even I will get 500,000 instead of 250,000.
Yes, everyone will get 500.000.
Okay-
Wonderful!
I do all the hard work and everyone else has all the fun.
You haven't slept yet?
Dude, I don't see your chole-bhatura working on him.
The chole-bhatura from our sweet shop could knock a horse out.
Dude, how's the lassi?
Wait a minute.
I hope he doesn't get knocked out so badly that he doesn't remember the dream.
Don't worry. I've added a lot of almonds in the lassi.
Watch how it makes his brain run.
Superb lassi, man. Well done, Billa!
Now come on Choocha, go to sleep and dream something nice and crispy.
Don't worry brother, you'll be served something incredible.
Hunny. As soon as we get the money I want to buy a pair of jeans.
The kind that are ripped at the knees, like Salman Khan wears.
And Fila shoes, with red soles.
Okay. I'll sleep.
No, not jeans...
I'll buy cargo pants with multiple pockets.
And in every pocket bundles of 100 rupee notes.
We'll spend like crazy and have butter chicken every day!
Good night.
Hunny. Can you come up on the bed'?
I don't like it all alone.
I just can't fall asleep.
Idiot, do you want to suck on my thumb now'??
Go to sleep!
You are excited, aren't you?
I'll play a nice tune, it'll help you relax.
That sounds good.
Hunny. Meanwhile, why don't you give me a nice head massage.
It feels really good and will help me fall asleep.
My legs are aching after standing at Bholi's place for hours.
No Lali. You don't have to...
but okay... if you insist.
Feels so good...
Can you turn off the lights?
Turn off the lights, I just can't find sleep.
You won't find sleep even if you turn off the lights.
When will I find a beauty to turn off the lights for me?
Go off to sleep Choocha, or else Bholi will wake up.
I won't spare you.
Get away.
Here... Wham... ham'.!
Choocha...
Hey!
Choocha...
Wake up.
What happened?
Come on, out with the golden egg.
Why are you all staring '?
Hurry up or I'll punch you.
Dude, you know I don't remember it easily.
Give me a minute.
Choocha. Come on.
Yes, now I remember...
I saw that...
you... I'>
I saw that you were...
dead.
Listen to me...
I saw that you were dead and the four legs of your bed...
were slowly turning into the four ends of your coffin.
Then Lali, Zafar and Panditji and I..
Carry your coffin to the crematorium.
As I am about to light the pyre...
your butt catches fire. You wake up with a jolt and...
start running towards the jungle.
And you run into...
none other than Bholi Punjaban!
Who transforms into a lion and swallows you.
As soon as I reach there...
I shove my hand in Bholi's mouth, who is now a lion...
and pull you out.
Your butt's still ablaze.
Anyway, I get furious, I walk up to Bholi...
look her straight in the eye and tear her face in two.
One part I throw east, the other west.
Knockout!